"You're going to screw it up," said Sister.
"You're going to screw it up," said Brother. "You don't have the slightest idea how to use that baster. Give it to me."
"The hell I will." Sister squirted him in the eye with hot turkey juice, but brother ducked. Sister put the bird back in the oven.
"Why are we even bothering with this?" asked Baby. "Mom and Dad are gone. We never got along without them. Thanksgiving as a family is stupid."
"Just make the fucking pie," said Brother, peeling potatoes.
They bickered for five hours in the empty old kitchen. They told each other over and over how much they hated each other, how they were glad they'd never have to spend another moment in such miserable company now that they didn't have Mom and Dad to please.
The turkey came out perfect.
Saturday, December 1, 2007
~Turkey by Dragon~
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"You're going to screw it up," said Sister.
"You're going to screw it up," said Brother. "You don't have the slightest idea how to use that baster. Give it to me."
"The hell I will." Sister squirted him in the eye with hot turkey juice, but brother ducked. Sister put the bird back in the oven.
"Why are we even bothering with this?" asked Baby. "Mom and Dad are gone. We never got along without them. Thanksgiving as a family is stupid."
"Just make the fucking pie," said Brother, peeling potatoes.
They bickered for five hours in the empty old kitchen. They told each other over and over how much they hated each other, how they were glad they'd never have to spend another moment in such miserable company now that they didn't have Mom and Dad to please.
The turkey came out perfect.
This Thanksgiving I seriously contemplated secretly filling the turkey with crushed up Xanax tablets. Doing so would guarantee that at least half of our annual family gathering would not be punctuated by discomfort. I especially was looking forward to negating Dad's strident yelling and his pitching a variety of kitchen utensils across the room. It happens every year like clockwork and
It would be easy enough to accomplish. With the antique mortar and pestle, all one needed to do was grind the blue pills down to powder, add a little hot water and gelatin to make the mixture sticky, then with a basting brush generous swab the inside of the turkey with the entire contents of the mixture.
With their rapid onset, the tranquilizer would render everyone at the table instantly sedate. What's more, few if any would realize they had been drugged. Such a strong emotional response could be easily confused as the inevitable byproduct of tryptophen-induced sedation caused by consumption of warm whole turkey.
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