Lydia was thinking of a thousand different ways to draw a face. She wanted a name like Chanterelle or Sunita. Her eyebrows were too thin, too thick, too indeterminately shaped like a question mark. Her forehead became a series of dots and dashes, her cheek a smear of ink on a wanted poster. Looking sideways into the mirror, she could almost see that girl from the mall, the one with the pert nose that turned down instead of up at the tip, the one she had followed for two hours. There was a hint of unconformity in Lydia’s chin. Too many shades of aqua overshadowed her muddy eyes with their clarity. Lydia painted her lips a deep blood red and placed a single kiss on her bedroom wall, labelling it #213 with a black marker. It made her think of the name Greta. She wiped her face clean and began again.
Friday, September 28, 2007
~Likeness by Ann Walters~
***A great big story in such a tiny space.***
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Likeness
Lydia was thinking of a thousand different ways to draw a face. She wanted a name like Chanterelle or Sunita. Her eyebrows were too thin, too thick, too indeterminately shaped like a question mark. Her forehead became a series of dots and dashes, her cheek a smear of ink on a wanted poster. Looking sideways into the mirror, she could almost see that girl from the mall, the one with the pert nose that turned down instead of up at the tip, the one she had followed for two hours. There was a hint of unconformity in Lydia’s chin. Too many shades of aqua overshadowed her muddy eyes with their clarity. Lydia painted her lips a deep blood red and placed a single kiss on her bedroom wall, labelling it #213 with a black marker. It made her think of the name Greta. She wiped her face clean and began again.
I'm pretty. I'm not. I'm pretty. I'm not. I'm pretty...
Say that word - pretty - a few times, say it fast. It starts to sound ridiculous.
In grade school I was ridiculed because I had to wear corrective shoes. In junior high I was teased because I towered over the boys, wore glasses, and was smart. In high school I decided to ignore everyone and just try to blend in and learn. I didn't fit in with the nerds, academically-challenged, jocks or freaks. I got through.
I was never pretty.
I've always wanted to be pretty.
Adorning my face with glitter and rihinestones, smears of blood-red lipstick, I try to find my look. But I always look lopsided, never interesting, never pretty.
Remember the game using flower petals - he loves me, he loves me not?
At night, when I remove my makeup, I play another game. I pull out my eyelashes - I'm pretty, I'm not pretty.
It's amazing how many lashes one has. This could go on for awhile.
There are two Carries.
I know a woman who gets up and feeds her cats, who shuffles around the garden in a housecoat and drinks milk from a carton. She's my Carrie. She gave me two children and raised them to adulthood. My Carrie is beautiful and plain.
I don't know the other Carrie. I know she exists. I have seen her paint her eyes and her lips, and I have watched her leave the house, but I don't know that Carrie. She doesn't want to know me.
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